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October Themes: Self + Other

photo by yours truly

photo by yours truly

Woo hoo! We’re in the final quarter of 2015 with less than 90 days until 2016. Are you excited to turn the page on a new year? I sure am. 2015 has been a mega wild ride. Do you agree?

Think back to 9 months ago, what goals and intentions were you setting for yourself? Are they starting to take shape by now? Or are you one of many who got a bit derailed by the recent eclipses?

Wherever this moment finds you, know that we’re all in a process of stabilization as we return to a state of equilibrium, especially now that we’re journeying through the sign of Libra.

The Sun, Mercury, and the North Node are dancing together in this sign, so there’s a lot of attention directed toward the realm of relationships, balance, harmony, and beauty.

We may have been in deep contemplation during Mercury retrograde, which ends tomorrow (the 9th), and today with Venus moving out of her retrograde shadow and into the sign of Virgo, we may suddenly feel like clearing up and healing any relationship snafu’s we haven’t dealt with yet.

Keep a watchful eye on your inner critic though as Venus in Virgo has the tendency towards perfectionism and obsessing over flaws – ours or another's. Since Virgo is co-ruled by Mercury and we’ll still be in Mercury’s retrograde shadow until the 24th, you still have some time to mentally review and reflect upon these issues before coming to a resolution near the end of the month.

With the North Node in Libra (ruled by Venus) and the South Node in Aries (ruled by Mars), our current karmic quest is to learn how to balance our desires and impulses (Aries/Mars), with our need for harmony and connection (Libra/Venus).

How can we assert our needs without forcing our intentions on others? Now is the time to experiment with that question and check in with how much we’re giving and how much we’re receiving in our relationships to see if those energies are in balance.

The North Node in Libra also points us toward our collective mission to open more fully to the feminine and receptive part of our being. This calls us to consider ways in which we can cultivate more cooperation in our relationship interactions.

We can do this by releasing our competitive drives and the need to be ‘right’ (Aries), and lean into another person’s perspective (Libra). Perhaps we can even ask for feedback from others, or ask others to hypothetically step into our shoes as we step into theirs. This kind of flexibility and willingness to see another person’s point of view may guide us toward resolution and greater understanding of how we matter and make an impact in our world.

This is also a time to honor and express our needs without expectation of a certain outcome (oooh, that’s a tough one!). Sometimes though, the mere expression of our needs satisfies the inner craving for connection as the action becomes an expression of self-care and self-respect. This practice of ownership and self-responsibility is one way we can give to ourselves, and it also gives other people permission to honor, respect, and communicate their needs as well.  

Acknowledging and communicating what we need teaches others how we receive, which serves to clarify how they can give support and help. It may also relieve the pressure and demand we put on each other to psychically know how to meet our needs. Afraid to ask? Well then, you can’t really expect people to know how to respond to your needs.

Asking for help is a growing edge for a lot of people, especially people who are naturally inclined to help others. Many people feel awkward asking for help for fear of being seen as inadequate, but there’s no empowerment gained by drowning in a sea of overwhelm. We need each other to help lift us up and out of challenging circumstances, and we actually need to realize that we’re no less of a person when we admit that we can’t tread water forever. You get my drift?

So, if you’re going through something this month and you’re feeling unsupported or undernourished in some way, reach out to someone, anyone. I’ve learned that many people are eager to offer help because it makes them feel more useful and valuable - helping others actually boosts our self-esteem! So, know that every time you vulnerably ask for support, you’re giving someone an opportunity to feel better about themselves. It’s kind of a win-win.

To further amplify this notion, Neptune (the higher ‘octave’ of Venus) is opposing Mars, which may help us to soften any hardened defenses we’ve built up from old hurts. Oppositions show up in our relationships with others, so look out for that special someone, that sweet soul out there who embodies the Neptunian grace of unconditional love, and allow your wounded spirit to be cradled and soothed.

This opposition also amplifies the polarization between the masculine and feminine in our society. There is still so much work to be done to adequately resurrect and repair the wounds in our culture, and the contrast between gun control and potential abortion laws speak to this prevalent imbalance.

It’s obvious we need to find a way to acknowledge and respect our differences so that we can reach a state of balance in our societal health, well-being, and safety. These issues are not going to go away if we continue to address them in the same way. We need to be creative, find the middle way, and seek harmony and balance.

But how do we do this? Well, we can start by ending our own mental wars by practicing self-acceptance and forgiveness and by integrating our inner masculine and feminine.

Once we fill up our own container with the awareness and acceptance that we are inherently divine and lovable as we are, we can reflect this inner wealth to others. This is the medicine that our culture desperately needs.

Later this month, when we begin our journey through the sultry and powerful sign of Scorpio, we can look deeper into our psyches to find and purge any leftover garbage lurking in there.

Until then, we can use the upcoming New Moon in Libra to set intentions towards healing some of our relationship wounds, in addition to setting intentions as to how we can bring more balance and harmony into our lives.

For those of you who wish to work deeper with these questions throughout the month, here are some flower essences that might assist you with harmonizing some inner imbalances:

Centaury | Helps you to connect with your needs and assert yourself. Great for chronic people-pleasers.

Chicory | Great for those who are over-bearing in relationships, rely on others for approval, or are especially jealous or needy. Promotes self-reliance.

Mariposa Lily | Helps nurture abandonment issues and encourages inner strength and self-reliance.

Holly | Assists in softening our inner judge and promotes our ability to forgive others who have hurt us in the past.

Scleranthus | Assists in clarifying our inner knowing when struggling to make decisions between two choices. It’s also great for neutralizing any imbalance as it invites stabilization into the body.

What is showing up for you so far?

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If you’re feeling the need for support in working through communication stagnation or relationship issues, contact me here to set up a counseling session or reading.

Dani B. Polgar6 Comments